Monday, July 17, 2017
Guest Post - Mental Health Advocate - The Unfiltered Mama - Better Yourself, Better Your Mental Health
Each day I wake up is a new start to the disappointment that will soon fulfill my mind. I slowly roll out of bed, take a look in the mirror and wonder why I'm never satisfied with the reflection staring back at me. Once I start scrolling through social media, this only adds to my questions. "When will I have that hourglass body? Will my clothes ever start a new fashion trend? I want to be her... I want her life." This routine is one I absolutely dread, yet, can't seem to break no matter how hard I try. Welcome to the life of an anxiety filled disaster. Are you ready to learn more?
I have always been self-conscious of my looks and personality. I often picture myself living in someone else's shoes because that's the only happiness I feel for that short-lived moment. Not a day goes by that I don't compare myself to another woman, and quite honestly, it's exhausting. I long for popularity and acceptance from those who normally see right past me. I want to be the fashionista that stands in front of her closet not knowing what to wear because there is TOO much to choose from. But the voices in my mind pull me back into reality. I talk myself out of this fantasy because I wasn't meant to live that kind of life. My hair is supposed to lay flat and boring. The awkward laugh I have comes hand in hand with my shy personality. This is just who I am and there's no turning back. I was destined to be the person I am, so why can't I just be thankful?
By the end of the night, my mind has circled around these make-believe thoughts thousands of times. My face falls into my palms and again I wish, please wake up as a new person. There have been countless times that I've given in to my temptations. The scars on my body are proof that I've struggled to make it into the next day. But they only add to my lack of confidence, so again I've lost the battle. The walls around me feel as if they're closing in on my existence. My breaths become scattered but all I could do is dream of waking up in a new body. Let me leave behind this mess that does nothing but takes up space. Fly away with the wind and please don't return. You are not welcomed here, you are no longer wanted.
The depression I had created left me crouched in a corner. The only way out was to find the strength I never knew I had. I was aware of what I was doing to myself and only I could change my life's direction. I was addicted to pretending to be someone I was not. My life was run by assumptions of what people thought about me which ultimately backed me into a corner of no return. It was time to wake up from this nightmare! Now or never, Courtney. It's time to get better.
One thing I've realized is that everyone has their off days. You don't always wake up and approve of what you see or feel. But you have to remind yourself of what makes you, you. If I woke up one day and really looked like who I wished to be, I wouldn't stand out like I do now. It would be impossible to be seen for who I've worked so hard to become. I want to be the crayon that still has a pointed tip. I want to be the marker whose ink never dries. The only way I could have made this reachable was to improve my mental health. I had to stop using social media as my source of happiness. Instead of feeling shameful of my scars I embraced them. I still run my fingers against them and remember that yes, it was a tough road, but I survived. I lived another day to tell all of you that I am a survivor, and so are you. That is something you need to remind yourself of with each passing day.
Your road to recovery starts here. Ask yourself what makes you stand out and shine brighter than the star next to you? Make a list and reflect on it.
My mental health is my best friend, and I make sure it's taken care of day in and day out. But I will never stop spreading the word. I will never hold back or regret to share my falling out phases.
Without them, I wouldn't be ME. I am here for a reason, and that reason is to help you stabilize the same mindset. Are you ready to be mentally healthy?
Your time starts now.
My name is Courtney, The Unfiltered Mama, and I've recently become a mental health blogger. I have shared secrets that I kept bottled up for years. But my reason for opening up is to be the voice for those who aren't ready to break their shell. I hope that my words will be the vice you need to pay attention to your own mental health. There is a never a wrong time to decide that you deserve more. You can find my work using this link: unfilteredmamasite.wordpress.com. Thanks for reading and please don't hesitate to reach out to me.