Saturday, May 5, 2018

Day 5 - Mental Health Awareness Month - Five Years - By Rebecca Lombardo

It will be five years ago next month since I had a very difficult mental breakdown. I had attempted suicide, and I guess that brings consequences that you aren’t entirely expecting. Nobody likes to be stuck in a hospital, especially since I was on suicide watch and someone had to watch everything I did. The worst part was the state of Michigan having me committed.

They strapped me to a gurney and put me in the back of an ambulance, and I was terrified. Having my husband in the care behind us, just made me sob even more.

I had no idea what I was in store for, or how long I would be gone. When we got there, they wouldn’t let him in to say goodbye to me. We had about 2 seconds for a quick kiss, and they pushed him out the door. They stripped searched me and made me bend over and cough. So humiliating.

The events that took place in the hospital have changed the person that I am. I no longer trust hospitals, or doctors, and forget it if I have to go into a hospital, I’m a nervous wreck.

On the positive side, it has also been five years since the last time I hurt myself as well. I think that’s my biggest accomplishment because there have been times in my life where I felt as if self-injury was my best friend. Even bipolar can at times, feel like my best friend. I’m grateful for the love and support from my husband. My dad passed last year, and I don’t think I could get through all of the losses without him.

My goal is to never set foot inside another hospital as a patient. I finally have the mindset that suicide isn’t the answer to my problems. It’s taken more than 20 years to come to that decision in my life, but such a huge burden has been lifted from my shoulders, just knowing that I don’t have to take my own life to prove how much pain I’m in. Communication is vital in any relationship, but I think it’s even more important when one of the participants struggles with a mental illness.

 Am I all better? Oh heck no. I still get really low and sometimes really high. I still spend days feeling like a complete failure because I didn’t accomplish a certain task, but I’m working on it. I guess what I’m most proud of is realizing that no matter how bad life gets, I don’t have to end it all to prove how much pain I was in. For that, I am forever grateful to my husband.

So, we are going to spend my anniversary relaxing and enjoying the fact that I have made leaps and bounds since 2013, even though sometimes it doesn’t feel like it.

Me - 1

Depression – 0

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