Guest Post - Mental Health Awarness Month - By @My_Simple Mind

I've been diagnosed with having depression and anxiety. 
When it comes to my Mental Health issues, I tend to classfas  'High-Functioning'.

When people picture someone with anxiety, they tend to think of someone who is perhaps Piglet (from Winnie The Pooh) in human form - knees constantly knocking, voice wavering, hyperventilating...

...But anxiety can be silent. You can't always see the physical effects of anxiety. It isn't just about panic attacks and over-worrying. It can come in the form of intrusive thoughts, compulsions or urges, upset stomachs, nightmares.

Anxiety is attached to many mental health disorders, just some of which include:

- Phobias
- Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD)
- Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
- Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

(For more information on those and other Anxiety disorders please see link https://www.nhs.uk/common-health-questions/lifestyle/do-i-have-an-anxiety-disorder/)

When people picture someone with depression it's likely they picture someone who spends half of their days in bed, crying, suffering from a bereavement or separation, unable to leave the house. Someone unable to be employed, spending their days indoors avoiding people.
They probably see a crumpled mess of a person. Someone more like Eeyore maybe?

Depression comes in many different forms and in various severities. It isn't a 'one size fits all' illness. 

So what do I mean by classing myself as 'High-Functioning'?

Well firstly, 'High-Functioning' isn't a diagnosis - it's more of a category I put myself in within my diagnosis.

Being 'High-Functioning' means I am employed as I'm able to work full time, I am meeting achievements, I am productive, and from the outside, everything appears to be going well.

Anxiety is something I have sought help with in the past, and have struggled with for years - sometimes worse than others.

Though I've had difficult patches, and had serious low times, for most of it I've been without medication and have been 'pressing on'. I've been kind of ignoring the fact it was crippling at times, with the thought that everyone struggles, and that I'd be OK once I had pushed myself through this latest rough patch.

Looking back I think depression has been interweaved with the anxiety over the years, but I never really gave it the attention it craved from me, until it reached the point I couldn't ignore it any longer.

I continued to press on with things, waiting for the magical moment my life would give me what I wanted, and all my anxieties would be magically gone, along with any hint of the threat of depression.

No matter what, I've always worked. 
Before my current job, I had a rough patch with my anxiety and hated my job so I left the place I was employed at the time. I immediately found a new position for a great Company, where I started (the Company in which I'm still at with my current job) a couple of weeks later.

I've rarely had time off work - never previously taking time off for anxiety, but looking back I guess that some of the physical illnesses I took the odd day off for were (what I am now able to recognise as) physical symptoms of my Mental Health Issues.

Not only did I not take time off but I excelled in my roles.
I was the person on the team that people could rely on. The organised one.
The one who planned social events. The one who organised the team Birthdays. The one who sorted out the Secret Santa every year.
The one always putting myself forward for things.
The one who threw myself into any (what I used to describe as) 'extra curricular activities' outside of my day to day job. 
If there was some training I'd take it. If there was a chance to train others, I'd take it. If there were development opportunities, I'd take them.
I'd be involved with all kinds of groups on top of my job and I loved keeping myself busy that way. I had to feel useful... needed... wanted... good enough.
The hard work paid off in my year end reviews and promotions. 

When people think of people having mental health issues, What they probably don't think of is someone who is super organised. Someone who is on the ball with things. Someone on top of everything. 
Someone who has everything under control. 
Someone who is so on top of things that they feel in crisis if something doesn't quite go to plan, but they don't show it on the outside - they just suffer internally while they sort things so that everything can appear as 'normal'.
Someone who needs to know what's coming next because not knowing what comes next is highly stressful for them, though they continue going along with things while they frantically figure out in their minds how they can cope with the lack of control.

They probably don't think of someone who turns up for work every day.

Someone who attends social events.
Someone who has everything in hand.
Someone who is the person anyone goes to with questions and who always has the answers.

They probably don't envision someone who is swan like. Someone who gracefully glides on top of the water, looking like everything is fine and going well. Like everything is smooth and effortless.
But the reality is that those swans have their feet underneath them, paddling furiously beneath the surface. 
We see the elegant grace of the swan, not giving a second's thought to the legs of the swan powering away in the water.
We don't stop to think that those legs might even be a little tired. 

That, to me, is what being high-functioning is.

You may be interested in the below article if you enjoyed this:
https://themighty.com/2017/05/signs-of-high-functioning-depression-or-dysthymia/

If you are worried that you may be suffering with anxiety and/or depression, have a look at this link from the NHS:
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/mood-self-assessment/