Guest Post - John Poehler - How Do You Define Success Living With Bipolar Disorder?

The dictionary defines success as, “the accomplishment of an aim or purpose; the attainment of popularity or profit; a person or thing that achieves desired aims or attains prosperity.”

Our society is not conducive to success for those of us living with a mental illness. I live with bipolar type 1 and I see firsthand how stigma negatively impacts so many of us.

THE MIND OF A PERSON LIVING WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER

Stigma is real. I’ve been the brunt of stigma many times.

I don’t bring this up to cry “victim” or say that I need special treatment. On the contrary, I see success as directly impacted by societal stigma. At least, for those of us living with bipolar disorder. 

I see success as so much more than monetary or popular gain.

With bipolar disorder, I view the world in a completely different light compared to someone without bipolar disorder. It makes sense because bipolar disorder is a chemical imbalance. This imbalance contributes to the extreme variability of my illness. 

Let me give you an example. I have battled to stay alive a handful of times in my life. I’m not talking about a physical illness like pneumonia or cancer. I am speaking about battling my own mind. 

The survival instinct of a chemically stable person is to stay alive. With an illness like bipolar disorder, your mind doesn’t play by any set of rules. Your mind can literally try to kill you. It’s hard to make sense of this reality if you’ve never experienced it yourself or firsthand with that of a loved one. When you face your own mortality, your perspective on life changes.

SUCCESS IS DIFFERENT WHEN YOU HAVE A MENTAL ILLNESS

Having bipolar disorder, my definition of success is different compared to a chemically balanced individual. For me, I find it a success to simply get through day, alive and well. I actually didn’t think I would make it past my 30th birthday. At the end of 2018 I celebrated my 40th birthday. To me, that is the definition of success.

I’m not here to toot my own horn. It is important that if you live with bipolar disorder (or any other mental illness for that matter) to reframe the constraints imposed by stigma.

When you battle bipolar depression, taking a shower may be your win for that particular day. That is success!

A NEW DEFINITION FOR SUCCESS

With bipolar disorder, don’t compare yourself to others. Everyone battlestheir own demons and issues. Bipolar disorder is just a different ballgame.

Maintain strong boundaries when you are dealing with others. Many times, online gurus have tried to force-feed me their so-called ideal definition of success. I am just not built that way and never will be.

Every day we are told how we should look, what we should eat, where we should live, what we need to drive, and how much money to make.

Define yourself by your own standards and do not allow others to do it for you.

Stop comparing yourself to your peers and those around you.

Success is so much more than monetary and popular gain. Once you can realize this and feel comfortable in your skin, you will be successful.

Success is also based on your goals. If you set a goal to complete something by a certain time and achieve it, you are a success. To me, that is the simple and correct definition of success.

Battling bipolar disorder on a daily basis, I find great comfort in keeping things as simple as I can. This illness is complicated enough. I don’t need to make it more difficult.

Next time somebody starts to talk to you about success and what it really is, remember the battle you wage on a daily basis.

ARE YOU SUCCESSFUL?

How do you know if you are successful?

Most people judge success by your job, house and material possessions. When you meet someone for the first time, you generally ask what they do for a living, right?

Reconnecting with a person from your past, you may ask them what they are up to these days.

If you see a nice sports car speeding through your neighborhood, you generally assume they are well off.

These instances are based on material possessions and wealth.

If you don’t own a brand new Lexus, mansion and have a million dollar a year job, does that mean you are unsuccessful?

VARIATIONS OF SUCCESS

Defining success can be a done in a number of ways. A person’s life is made up of a number of variables. After all, a job or career does not completely define a person.

What are things in life you find most important?

The answer to this question will help you start to define success.

Some people answer career, health, family, or helping others. There is no right answer. What means more to me may not to you and vice versa.

If your job or career is important, the amount of money you make may be your gauge of success. Promoting through your company could be another indication.

Whatever gauge you use to determine success, it is uniquely yours.

Health could be what’s most important to you. The number of times you exercise per week and the healthy meal choices you make could be possible gauges.

Your family may be your focus.

How would you measure success with your family? Some people base their success on the amount of time they spend with their kids and partner. Others determine success on the number of material possessions they are able to provide for their kids.

Your moral and ethical code will help answer these questions. You can tell a lot about a person by what they focus on in life. This will also help you define success.

SUCCESS AND HAPPINESS

Success is different for each and every one of us. It truly depends on the focus of your life. 

What things do you hold most dear?

What makes you happy?

A large portion of your life is spent working. Should you enjoy what you are doing or focus on the amount of money you make?

This goes back to your moral and ethical code.

There isn’t a linear relationship between how much money you make and your happiness. You can make a large amount of money but not be happy at what you do. You can also be happy at what you do but only make a small amount of money.

How would you define success in this situation? Can you be happy and make a lot of money?

You need to figure out your own gauge for success.

If money is your focus and gauge, the more you make, the more successful you will be. It doesn’t necessarily determine your degree of happiness.

Using enjoyment as your gauge will change your definition of success and happiness.

SUCCESS IN SOCIETY

In my early 20’s, I wanted to make lots of money and start a successful career.

This became the basis of my entire moral code. Since then, it has morphed tremendously along my journey of life.

Let me show you an example.

We all know someone who is financially well off. This particular person I knew lived in an affluent area of America, held a prestigious position and worked long hours. He often missed holiday get-togethers, missing attending his kids’ activities and physically not being there for his family.

If you use money as your gauge, he was financially successful.

As a father, would you measure his success along the same standards?

Again, it goes back to your gauge of success.

There is no right or wrong answer. 

Everybody has their own belief system, morals, and values. Using this line of reasoning, success is defined differently for each and every one of us. After all, we are all unique.

LAST THOUGHTS

Another dictionary definition of success is, “The accomplishment of an aim or purpose.”

This definition of success follows perfectly in line with my previous line of thinking. 

Your background and environment will help determine your purpose and aim in life. From there, you can gauge your own success.

Living with bipolar disorder, I have a unique perspective regarding success. My journey is unlike that of a chemically stable individual. It has helped pave the path of what I find most vital in life.

Success does not determine how you are as a person. It shows how each of us can be successful in our own different and unique ways.