Welcome Back!

I found it. I found it in that last place I thought to look. It should have been the first place. But, none of that matters now because I’m over the moon with gratitude. You’re asking yourself, “what the hell is she talking about” I’m sure. Simply put, I’m talking about my voice. My ability to put pen to paper and come up with something resembling a blog post. For months I’ve been mired down by negative thoughts, fears, and grief. Writer’s block is a bitch, my friends.

So, please allow me to take a moment to welcome myself back to the land of the living. I don’t know how long I’ve got in this particular universe, so I’ve got to use my time wisely. I wish I could talk about a sign or some kind of miracle that brought me back to writing again. It was quite simple, and for that, I am very lucky. For the first time in months, I thought of a topic, and the ideas started flowing. Sentences ran through my head, and I jumped up, grabbed my notebook, and here I am!

I’ve been through a lot since I last wrote. Some good things, some bad things. My physical health hasn’t been great, and my Agoraphobia symptoms appear to be at an all-time high. I’m still grieving the loss of my father, and I’m still dealing with horrible nightmares.

Thankfully, I now have a doctor that truly seems to care and listens to me. Of course, the constant support of my husband helps tremendously. There are days where none of my coping skills help me…cope.

I can tell you one thing that I am incredibly proud of. At the end of June, I celebrated FIVE years of being self-injury free. Five years ago was also my last suicide attempt, and it feels good to be able to get some of that negativity behind me. I have a lot of work to do; I know this. I’ve signed up for online courses, one of which is pretty difficult, but I’m making my way through.

I’m working with International Bipolar Foundation as a volunteer three days a week. I’m helping with their social media. I also became a Listener for 7 Cups of Tea. That has it’s own challenges as well, but I’m working on it!

I’m still struggling with getting out of bed and being productive. I know self-care is important, but sometimes it feels like that’s all I ever do. I’m started to feel ashamed and embarrassed. There are days when I don’t even go down the stairs to the main level of our house. It’s something I need to work on. But, here I am taking quite a few steps in the right direction, ad hoping for continued days free of severe brain fog.

How many of you out there have struggled with writer’s block? I would love to have you comment on this article some of the tactics you use to break free from it.

In the meantime, I’m back. Let’s hope it stays that way. There’s a big lump in my throat because I had given hope up of ever being here again. Today I can say that I am genuinely grateful.