Guest Post - The Stigma Surrounding Bipolar Disorder is Real - Mental Health Awareness Month - By John Poehler

The dictionary defines stigma as, “A mark of disgrace associated with a particular circumstance, quality, or person.”

In this instance, stigma is associated with bipolar disorder. There is definitely “a mark of disgrace” accompanying bipolar disorder.

There are a number of ways we can help to stomp out the stigma of bipolar disorder.

First, let us take a look at how and why there is a stigma in the first place. 

INTRODUCTION TO STIGMA

Most people do not take the time to learn about mental illness unless they are directly impacted. I know I fell into this category when I was younger. 

Growing up, I never took a psychology class or a class about mental health or mental illness. My education about anything related to mental health was limited to pop culture and those closest to me. Most of my friends and family knew nothing about bipolar disorder.

I completely understand.

A ROOT OF STIGMA

Bipolar disorder is an illness. Unless you are a doctor or other medical professional, most people do not take the time to research sickness or other maladies. Even then, medical professionals are not properly trained about bipolar disorder (or mental illness and mental health) unless they specialize in psychiatry.

How is the general public supposed to understand bipolar disorder if those who are supposed to be treating it do not even have a basic knowledge about it?

Psychiatrists are specialists. They get extra training on how to treat different mental illnesses and other mental health issues.

The problem arises when general doctors, emergency personnel and other medical professionals that see patients on a regular basis, do not have the training or education to help those suffering from a mood disorder.

See how the breakdown in how information is siphoned through the mental health system contributes to the stigma surrounding bipolar disorder?

If those who are supposed to have the knowledge of bipolar disorder do not, how should we expect the general public to understand?

Please, do not get me wrong. It is not my intention to point blame. 

My hope is by pinpointing one of the root causes of stigma, we can take action to reduce it in the future. 

MISCONCEPTIONS

It is easy to get frustrated with the misinformation plaguing society.

Some of these misconceptions can be easily clarified. The problem is getting the right information to those who need to hear it.

It may not feel like it but you can make a difference by simply correcting those who are spreading the wrong information.

There are countless misconceptions that I would like to clear up for you today.

Let us dive right in.  

1. BIPOLAR DISORDER IS NOT SERIOUS

Downplaying the seriousness of bipolar disorder minimizes our daily fight with the bipolar battle. When you hear individuals candidly joke about bipolar disorder, they are contributing to the stigma surrounding it.

Yes, there are degrees of severity when it comes to this illness. The severity is regarding the symptomology. However, it does not matter what type of bipolar disorder you are diagnosed.

Bipolar disorder is bipolar disorder.

The type of bipolar is just a way to communicate the treatment route you should follow.

As a mental illness, bipolar disorder is extremely serious. It is not only an illness about mood fluctuations. 

By the way, everyone experiences the daily ebb and flow of emotions. It is human nature.

Bipolar disorder increases the intensity of these mood fluctuations. It also directly impacts energy level, motivation and overall ability to function.

Suicide is also a real threat.

It is estimated that 25% and 60% of individuals living with bipolar disorder will attempt suicide once in their lives. Between 4% and 19% will complete suicide.

Is bipolar disorder serious?

You’re damn straight it is!

2. BIPOLAR DISORDER IS “THE IN THING”

Sensationalizing bipolar disorder is another way to minimize it.

Celebrities and those in the spotlight are “coming out” with their illness. Please do not get me wrong. I think any way we can open up the conversation about mental illness is a positive step forward.

The problem comes when those interpreting these actions digests the information as something cool. Then, the news spreads about this new exciting and mysterious phenomena.

Perceiving bipolar disorder as the “cool” or “in thing” downplays the seriousness of the illness.

In turn, this further contributes to the overall stigma.

3. “EVERYONE HAS A LITTLE BIPOLAR IN THEM”

You may have already caught on that these misconceptions come back to the idea that bipolar disorder is not serious.

I understand the whole premise of this statement.

Everyone has varying emotions throughout their lives. This is completely true and valid.

The misconception arises when people pair the normal ups and downs of life with that of bipolar disorder. They are completely and utterly different.

Only a medical professional can properly diagnose bipolar disorder.

No, everyone does not have a little bipolar in them. 

4. YOU CAN TREAT BIPOLAR DISORDER WITH EXERCISE AND A HEALTHY DIET

If you could treat bipolar disorder with exercise and a healthy diet, you would never see any professional athlete with the diagnosis.

Granted, the seriousness and intensity of symptoms can vary extremely between patients. The first line of attack is the medical model – medication management and talk therapy.

When I was first diagnosed in 1999, my doctors hammered home the idea that I needed medication and therapy.

I have learned and am living proof of the importance of medication and therapy in my treatment plan.

For the long term management of bipolar disorder, I have found that healthy habits and choices directly impact my success.

For example, I lift weights every day with a rest day every so often.

I also eat healthy meals, drink plenty of water, and supplement on a daily basis.

Exercise and a healthy diet are components you should add to the overall treatment of your bipolar disorder.

No, exercise and a healthy diet will not cure bipolar disorder but they will help you successfully manage it.

5. BIPOLAR DISORDER IS THE END OF MY LIFE

This could not be further from the truth.

No one wants to hear that they are sick. I completely understand.

For me, my diagnosis of bipolar was a welcome relief. I learned that, yes I was sick, and I could do something about it.

I am a firm believer that with the proper treatment, bipolar disorder can be successfully managed. The hard part is navigating the path to the right treatment. That is the reason you have both a doctor and therapist to help guide you.

Most of my plans, goals, and aspirations were completely changed after I learned of my illness.

Bipolar disorder sets clear boundaries as to expectations and functionality.

With these boundaries, I know my limitations and strengths. They may not be apparent when you are first diagnosed but you will find them with time and further introspection.

Therapy is a wonderful tool to help build your self-awareness.

Bipolar disorder is not the end, it is only the beginning.

WHAT CAN YOU DO ABOUT STIGMA?

Advocates and advocacy groups are ways we can help break down the walls of stigma.

We have the power to enlighten those who have the wrong information and do not understand bipolar disorder.

The misconceptions about bipolar disorder are running rampant throughout our society. Most people already have a negative outlook regarding bipolar disorder.

If you are diagnosed with bipolar disorder, take positive action in your treatment. Work with your doctor, therapist and loved ones to create a crisis and treatment plan.

You can help stomp stigma by being a positive role model in how you manage your bipolar.

LAST THOUGHTS

I can’t tell you the number of times I have spoken to people who have no direct experience with bipolar disorder. They tell me all about their perceptions (or misconceptions).

Recently, a guy told me, “You don’t seem like you have bipolar disorder. I thought all of those people with bipolar disorder don’t take their meds and do whatever they want.”

I explained to him my story and how I manage my bipolar disorder on a daily basis in healthy and proactive ways.

With my treatment plan, I have put myself in the driver seat of my own life.

I don’t want it to seem like I am tooting my own horn.

It is my firm belief that if we can show to ourselves and society, that we are responsible for our illness and we are positive contributing members of society, we can help to destroy stigma.

Yes, it does start with one person.

That person is you!

Guest Post - Mental Health Awarness Month - By @My_Simple Mind

I've been diagnosed with having depression and anxiety. 
When it comes to my Mental Health issues, I tend to classfas  'High-Functioning'.

When people picture someone with anxiety, they tend to think of someone who is perhaps Piglet (from Winnie The Pooh) in human form - knees constantly knocking, voice wavering, hyperventilating...

...But anxiety can be silent. You can't always see the physical effects of anxiety. It isn't just about panic attacks and over-worrying. It can come in the form of intrusive thoughts, compulsions or urges, upset stomachs, nightmares.

Anxiety is attached to many mental health disorders, just some of which include:

- Phobias
- Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD)
- Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
- Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

(For more information on those and other Anxiety disorders please see link https://www.nhs.uk/common-health-questions/lifestyle/do-i-have-an-anxiety-disorder/)

When people picture someone with depression it's likely they picture someone who spends half of their days in bed, crying, suffering from a bereavement or separation, unable to leave the house. Someone unable to be employed, spending their days indoors avoiding people.
They probably see a crumpled mess of a person. Someone more like Eeyore maybe?

Depression comes in many different forms and in various severities. It isn't a 'one size fits all' illness. 

So what do I mean by classing myself as 'High-Functioning'?

Well firstly, 'High-Functioning' isn't a diagnosis - it's more of a category I put myself in within my diagnosis.

Being 'High-Functioning' means I am employed as I'm able to work full time, I am meeting achievements, I am productive, and from the outside, everything appears to be going well.

Anxiety is something I have sought help with in the past, and have struggled with for years - sometimes worse than others.

Though I've had difficult patches, and had serious low times, for most of it I've been without medication and have been 'pressing on'. I've been kind of ignoring the fact it was crippling at times, with the thought that everyone struggles, and that I'd be OK once I had pushed myself through this latest rough patch.

Looking back I think depression has been interweaved with the anxiety over the years, but I never really gave it the attention it craved from me, until it reached the point I couldn't ignore it any longer.

I continued to press on with things, waiting for the magical moment my life would give me what I wanted, and all my anxieties would be magically gone, along with any hint of the threat of depression.

No matter what, I've always worked. 
Before my current job, I had a rough patch with my anxiety and hated my job so I left the place I was employed at the time. I immediately found a new position for a great Company, where I started (the Company in which I'm still at with my current job) a couple of weeks later.

I've rarely had time off work - never previously taking time off for anxiety, but looking back I guess that some of the physical illnesses I took the odd day off for were (what I am now able to recognise as) physical symptoms of my Mental Health Issues.

Not only did I not take time off but I excelled in my roles.
I was the person on the team that people could rely on. The organised one.
The one who planned social events. The one who organised the team Birthdays. The one who sorted out the Secret Santa every year.
The one always putting myself forward for things.
The one who threw myself into any (what I used to describe as) 'extra curricular activities' outside of my day to day job. 
If there was some training I'd take it. If there was a chance to train others, I'd take it. If there were development opportunities, I'd take them.
I'd be involved with all kinds of groups on top of my job and I loved keeping myself busy that way. I had to feel useful... needed... wanted... good enough.
The hard work paid off in my year end reviews and promotions. 

When people think of people having mental health issues, What they probably don't think of is someone who is super organised. Someone who is on the ball with things. Someone on top of everything. 
Someone who has everything under control. 
Someone who is so on top of things that they feel in crisis if something doesn't quite go to plan, but they don't show it on the outside - they just suffer internally while they sort things so that everything can appear as 'normal'.
Someone who needs to know what's coming next because not knowing what comes next is highly stressful for them, though they continue going along with things while they frantically figure out in their minds how they can cope with the lack of control.

They probably don't think of someone who turns up for work every day.

Someone who attends social events.
Someone who has everything in hand.
Someone who is the person anyone goes to with questions and who always has the answers.

They probably don't envision someone who is swan like. Someone who gracefully glides on top of the water, looking like everything is fine and going well. Like everything is smooth and effortless.
But the reality is that those swans have their feet underneath them, paddling furiously beneath the surface. 
We see the elegant grace of the swan, not giving a second's thought to the legs of the swan powering away in the water.
We don't stop to think that those legs might even be a little tired. 

That, to me, is what being high-functioning is.

You may be interested in the below article if you enjoyed this:
https://themighty.com/2017/05/signs-of-high-functioning-depression-or-dysthymia/

If you are worried that you may be suffering with anxiety and/or depression, have a look at this link from the NHS:
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/mood-self-assessment/

Guest Post - Mental Health Awareness Month/Week - Better Late Than Never - Keith Allison

              

What happens when you are raised without any knowledge of mental illness? Sure, I knew that people, including myself had felt anxiety, anger, confusion and maybe even a little depression. My parents got me self-help tapes to listen to when we drove around doing errands in the car. They knew something was up but really didn’t do what was needed to educate me. They just thought I needed to turn my stinking thinking around. That wasn’t the problem.

                They taught me that whatever happens in the house stays in the house. My sister just found out that when I was 17, thirty years ago that I was arrested and went to jail. My parents pushed upper middle class and their biggest fear was that people might find out we didn’t belong in the upper class. Anything that didn’t include a silver spoon as the topic wasn’t talked about outside the house and even sometimes to the other siblings.

                At the time there were two types of people, or so I was led to believe, when it comes to mental health. One was you don’t have mental health issues and you live your life outside of a mental hospital or you had mental health issues and you are locked up in a hospital most likely in a padded room. That was the extent of my thoughts and those around me in the late 1970’s. Massive stigmas abound.

I was very smart… almost too smart. I have that issue where common sense really isn’t my specialty. I am not a genius but I do have some of those common sense side effects that happen to geniuses. I really thought that the anger, anxiety, depression, guilt, abandonment issues and the like were what every single person went through. Those emotions are felt by everyone but not to the extreme as I had felt them. My parents used to love telling me, ‘life is not fair so don’t expect it to be.’

I thought my anger was under my control. I thought that my anxiety was me not being able to correctly control my emotions. I thought that my guilt was normal and that people don’t normally forgive themselves for something they did 20 years ago. I thought my extreme anxiety of looking for reasons why my girlfriend’s will leave me was normal but didn’t realize it was what made them leave me. I knew I had some issues but nothing too serious as I was always told that I am in control of my thoughts and behavior. That if there was a problem that it was for me to fix.

                Even though I went to therapist and tried some depression medicine the realization of how serious my illness is was never discovered. Even until now and I am almost fifty years old. I am doing the right thing now. I am back on anti-depressant medicine for the first time in thirty years.  I am scheduled to see a therapist also to try and find out why I think the way I do.

                I want a diagnosis, a real one. Not one where you take a test on the internet that you found by searching “Do I have Borderline Personality Disorder.” I want a doctor to tell me that my quick to anger isn’t something that I can control easily because you have this. That helplessness and hopelessness you feel is because of this. I want answers and I want them as fast as possible.

                I spent my whole life blaming myself for actions I did because of mental illness. I am not saying I am a perfect person but most of my BIG messes that I have created while living life has happened because I was unable to control something because of Mental Illness. I want someone to tell me that it is ok to forgive yourself for what you did in 1989. It is ok to let myself feel real emotions again as it is ok that I want to cry, to yell, to scream and to hide under those covers.

                I also want to know that it is ok to be happy. Every time I was happy as a kid someone pulled the rug out from underneath me. I learned to stop looking forward to anything and to not feel happy about stuff because it will be taken away from me and I am going to be in a worse spot because of it. I have lived a good forty years stealing any happiness away from myself because it scared me. It scared me because I have been gaslight so much that it was expected from my family.

I am done living my life in fear. I am going to find out exactly what makes me tick, why I am the way I am and I am not going to be done until I can feel happiness again without a sense of dread. I want to write about what I learn as I go through this journey of self-discovery and teach it to you. The reason why is that I was suicidal and then I decided if I can’t live my life for me, I will live my life for you. If I can help you not feel the way I do then I feel better about my life.

I want to live my life for me!

Guest Post - Mental Health Awareness Month/Week (UK) - What Does Mental Health Awareness Week Mean to Me? By Martin Baker

What Does Mental Health Awareness Week Mean to Me?

By Martin Baker

I’m grateful to Beka for inviting me to share what Mental Health Awareness Week means to me. Such campaigns attract their share of resistance and criticism for not addressing some of the bigger issues. Some people feel that awareness campaigns trivialise the lived experience of people with serious mental illness, giving the impression that simple strategies like talking to someone or going for a walk can take the place of professional treatment and support. I agree that a chat with a friend or a breath of fresh air is never going to cure anyone. But I do believe there is much we can do to lessen the burden of isolation and misunderstanding.

For me the principal value of campaigns like Mental Health Awareness Week, and why I support them, is that they bring like-minded — and like-hearted — people together. That has certainly been my experience. It is in such ways that we build connections, relationships, friendships, communities. It is in such ways that we empower ourselves and each other to address wider concerns and “make a sodding difference.”

Talking about mental health is a big part of that.

What Does Having a Conversation About Mental Health Mean?

Having “a conversation about mental health” might sound daunting, but it simply means allowing someone to talk openly about what’s going on for them. It might be a face-to-face conversation, a phone or video call, or a conversation by e-mail, text (SMS), or instant messaging. The important thing is that it works for you and the other person. Whatever the channel, there are a few things that distinguish a supportive conversation from the normal everyday kind. I have written previously of a few different types.

https://www.gumonmyshoe.com/2018/09/lets-talk-about-talking-three.html

I find the following reminders helpful.

Don’t interrupt. This is self-explanatory, but can be one of the hardest to remember. Let the other person share what they want to share, without giving in to the urge to interrupt with your own ideas, suggestions, and questions. I certainly need reminding of this one!

It’s their story, not yours. Don’t monopolise the conversation by recalling times you have been through what they are talking about. “I know just what you mean” is particularly unhelpful. No matter how similar your experiences might seem, their situation is uniquely theirs, and what worked — or didn’t work — for you might not be relevant to them at all. If you are asked for suggestions or advice, fair enough, but wait until you are asked.

Save your judgments for later. It’s hard to listen to someone without analysing and mentally judging what you are hearing. This isn’t wrong in itself — you might need to assess whether the person is in immediate danger, or in need of professional help — but beyond that, your internal dialogue only serves to distance you from what they are sharing with you.

You don’t have to fix everything. Depending on your relationship (partner, child, parent, family member, close friend, colleague, acquaintance, or stranger) you may be in a position to offer help, advice, or support. But it is not your responsibility to fix everything, so hold back with your suggestions unless they are asked for. On the other hand, don’t feel paralysed or useless if you can’t think of anything that could possibly help. If you are present and engaged, you are helping. Often, that is precisely — and all — that is needed. You’d be surprised how rare a gift holding space for someone can be. As the UK anti-stigma campaign Time to Change puts it: “… if you say something, you realise how many people around you haven’t, and needed to.”

But I’m Busy

We are all so busy these days. School, college, work, commuting, chores, children, our own issues and problems, fill our days — and often our nights too. When are we supposed to find time for all these conversations?

It isn’t about blocking out chunks of “Mental Health Conversation Time” in your calendar — although it might involve committing to meet up for lunch with that friend you haven’t seen in a while, calling on a relative on your way home from work, or turning off the TV after dinner to talk with your partner or child. It’s about being open to what the other person wants to talk about, and not being scared if that includes their mental health, or that of someone they care about.

Think of the people you talk to already. The colleague who gives you a ride home. The person you speak to every Saturday in your favourite café. Social media and the internet mean you can connect with almost anyone, almost anywhere, at almost any time.

It’s Not All about Mental Health

You won’t always be “talking about mental health,” of course. Open conversations span the full gamut of topics: deep and trivial, funny and sad. But if they are genuine, they encompass whatever is going on for you and the other person, and often that does include some aspect of mental health. That said, if you are open to such conversations, you might find yourself having more and more of them. I consider it a privilege that people feel at ease talking with me about topics which so often are kept hidden because they attract judgemental attitudes, stigma, and discrimination.

Balance and Boundaries

You can’t be there at all times for everyone, however. You are not a 24/7/365 crisis line. Aside from the dangers of burning yourself out, doing too much can lead to codependency, which is unhealthy for both you and the other person. Don’t take on too much, and pay attention to your own health — physical and mental. Remember that being open about mental health includes sharing your issues and concerns, as well as listening to those of others.

What Difference Can I Make, Really?

Fran and I believe passionately that all of us — you, me, everyone — can make a difference. Fran knows this first-hand, and I can do no better than close by sharing her words from the Epilogue to our book High Tide, Low Tide: The Caring Friend’s Guide to Bipolar Disorder.

There are many like me who live in invisible institutions of stigma, shame, and silence, the walls built by others from without, or by ourselves from within. Dismantling these walls invites connection. Be the gum on someone’s shoe who has one foot inside and one foot outside. Stick around. It may not be easy but you can help someone make a life worth living. Maybe even save a life. One little bit by one little bit. A smile, a wink, a hello, a listening ear, a helping hand, a friendship all work together to interrupt the grasp of illness. Be open and honest, with your friend and others you meet. Judge not, for misunderstandings abound. Acceptance, understanding, and kindness can pave another way. Let’s.

About the Author

Martin Baker graduated in pharmacy from the University of Bradford in 1983 and completed three years’ postgraduate research at the Institute of Psychiatry, King’s College London. Despite this background he had little awareness of mental illness until a chance online encounter in 2011 with American writer and photographer Fran Houston. Fran lives with bipolar disorder and other conditions. Despite living 3,000 miles apart Martin became – and remains – Fran’s primary caregiver. Their book High Tide, Low Tide: The Caring Friend’s Guide to Bipolar Disorder inspires and informs others who support a friend or loved one living with a mental health condition. You can contact Martin on his website/blog (www.gumonmyshoe.com), Twitter (@GumOnMyShoeBook) or Facebook (MartinBakerAuthor).

https://www.gumonmyshoe.com

https://twitter.com/GumOnMyShoeBook 

http://www.facebook.com/MartinBakerAuthor

Guest Post - Mental Health Awareness Month - How Stigma Harms by Lize Brittin

"Stigma hurts lives and stigma kills.

Weight stigma.

Mental health stigma.

Racial stigma.

Trans stigma.

Queer stigma.

HIV stigma.

Disability stigma.

Addiction stigma.

Do your work to learn your biases.

Then do your work to unlearn them."

-Carmen Cool

In May of 2019, Amber Nicole was attacked and beaten badly outside of a bar in Denver, Colorado. Her jaw was broken in several places, and she suffered nerve damage and partial paralysis on one side of her face.Her crime? 

Amber Nicole identifies as transgender.

Nobody watching her being beaten that night came to her aid. Her friend was eventually able to get her into their car and to the hospital, but she has been seriously injured and will likely carry the emotional scars of the attack with her for a lifetime.

This is an extreme case of an individual enactment of stigma, a criminal attack against someone seen as "lesser than" or flawed. Stigma doesn’t always lead to hate crimes and violence. Offenses against victims can be more subtle: dirty looks, rude comments, general discrimination, taunting, or neglect. In certain kinds of situations, "courtesy stigma" can occur, wherein those close to the one being judged are also stigmatized. This can lead to isolation of both those being labeled and their friends and family members. In short, stigma affects everyone, from those who hold it to those who experience it to those who witness it.

Stigma can be a powerful weapon that negatively affects the self-esteem of both those who experience it and those who see it occur. Self-labeling and what we tell ourselves about who we are contribute either positively or negatively to our sense of self. We can have a positive self-narrative or one that tears down our self-esteem. Often, we internalize the negative comments or stereotypes that others specifically heap on us or that we know prevail in society at large, and wind up engaging pessimistic self-dialogue. This can lead to feelings of shame, a fear of reaching out when in need, and a reluctance to defend oneself and others.

One in five Americans deals in some way with mental-health conditions. Stigma is primarily based on sweeping generalizations and usually incorrect assumptions. Flawed ideas related to mental health can be especially unfavorable, and often lead to prejudice and marginalization. We often don’t see how quickly poor opinions of others can lead to the abuse of human rights. We criminalize addicts and the mentally ill and treat those who suffer as if what they experience comes down to a simple choice, forgetting that many factors contribute to the development of mental-health issues. A genetic component or predisposition, environmental factors, and possible underlying medical conditions can create the perfect storm when it comes to the development of mental illness, addiction or both. Sadly, the same mistreatment often occurs in regard to those who are simply "different."

In the realm of eating disorders, those who suffer are stigmatized in two ways, the physical and the mental. They also deal with self-stigma and body-image problems. Many who have life-threatening illnesses don’t perceive themselves accurately, and feel that they aren’t sick enough to seek treatment or insist they don’t deserve help. Their feelings of insecurity and self-loathing can run so deep that they neglect the medical help they so desperately need and deserve.

Therapy provides those in need with the tools to deal with stigma and its far-reaching effects. Therapists are in a position to teach those who are affected by injustice how to rise above any put-downs and bullying. As Rebecca Lombardo says, it is essential to keep talking mental health. This is the only way we can begin to address the harm that mental-health stigma or stigma in general causes. Mental illness is not weakness of any kind.

Individuals take a great risk when they delay or deny themselves treatment as a result of the negative views associated with mental health issues. The side effect of refusing help can lead to a deterioration of physical and mental health, poor self-image, feelings of isolation, and even suicide. In other words, when a person who’s struggling doesn’t reach out, it’s a potentially dangerous, but all too easy, form of inaction.

What is needed are more safe environments in which people who are struggling feel supported enough to open up about their situations. Sharing relieves some of the burden of living with mental illness and reduces the shame around struggling. There is no shame in our struggles. All humans have issues of some kind. Removing stigma entirely might be impossible, but we can create more, and more welcoming, pockets of shelter from the abuse of others.

In order to create healing around deep-rooted biases, it’s up to all of us to take a look at the beliefs we have and learn how to become more tolerant and open-minded toward both others and ourselves. Dominant beliefs in society need not rule how we view the world. It’s time for us to learn new ways of seeing each other. We don’t have to buy into the stigmas others create and project. Mental-health treatment doesn’t have to be about attaching labels to everyone. Who we are goes deeper than that, and we all need to recognize that we are not our illnesses. We are more than our disorders, and we should never, ever be oppressed or mistreated for showing vulnerability.

Guest Post - Kitt O'Malley - Mental Health Awareness Month - Trigger Warning

I Don’t Want to Write About #Suicide

By Kitt O’Malley (kittomalley.com)

I don’t want to write about suicide
I don’t want the image of her
Clinging onto a chain link fence
Chef’s knife in hand
Chef’s knife inside of her
Looking through the chain link
At kids playing in the park
She mourned the loss of her son
She could not contain her grief
She could not hold on
She had other children
They no longer had a mother
My father no longer had a cousin
I no longer had a cousin once removed

When I was 18
I, too, wanted to kill myself
I thought the world
Better off without me
My family
Better off without me
The emotional pain
Unbearable
A living hell
But I didn’t kill myself
I sought help
I got help
But I was not a mother
Grieving the loss of her son

Envy

This is my first attempt at writing a blog post in a very long time. I’m not ashamed to say that I have been struggling with my symptoms. I would tell myself that I need to keep moving forward. I need to stay relevant. But, my brain has always had other plans. Last night as I was trying to sleep, I kept telling myself that it was OK. Everyone has a dry spell. It’s not your fault; it just is. How I long to believe that.

I feel as if I’m beginning to fall to pieces. I’m trying so hard to keep it together. I have people that count on me. Not to mention, I’m fed up with what my break downs put my husband through. His birthday is next week. I am resolved not to be a basket case for his big day. I feel as if I can’t refer to myself as a writer when I’ve hardly written an email in months. To top it all off, I’m sick as a dog with a cold or the flu, something along those lines. I’m a little bit miserable.

I’ve begun to see a disturbing pattern within myself, and that pattern is envy. As I scroll through Twitter, I see all of my amazing friends with new blog posts, articles being published, and reaching new frontiers in mental health. It’s awesome. This is what we all want and need. I have a strange sense of, “why can’t that be me”? I hate that, I do. There are times when I know I’m my worst enemy. If I just sit down and start typing, a lot of times, I get the desired outcome. When I started typing this, I wasn’t even sure where I was headed. I’m still not 100%, but I NEED this. I need to feel as if I’m a part of things. As if I’m just as capable as anyone else. Otherwise, I may as well give up on all of it.

There will always be people that are more successful than I am, I understand that. I have a very bad perfectionist streak, and I am prone to getting down on myself for every little thing. I could be doing so much with my time, yet I’m worn out and stuck in this need for self-care. At what point does self-care become laziness? I don’t even want to think about that. That would just be yet another flaw in my character for me to dwell on.

Is anyone else out there feeling this? I’m sure there must be someone. Last month, I turned 46. Where in the hell has all of the time gone? I don’t want to live with all of these regrets. I don’t want to live with being jealous of other people that are getting out there and kicking ass. I have a lot to think about and a lot of decisions to make. I struggle with that little voice in my head that tells me it’s time to give up on this advocacy thing and just live your life. 

I’m going to keep going because that’s what I need to do. I will stumble and fall, and there will always be someone that does it better, but I have to move forward. I owe that to anyone that is struggling and needs a sign that things do get better. You can’t sit back and wait for opportunities to land in your lap. So, here I am. I’m taking the first steps by writing this post. Even though I am painstakingly aware that it isn’t one of my best; what matters is, I wrote it. Maybe it will loosen up the writer's block I’ve been dealing with. Thank you to all of you that are out there getting it done. We’re all grateful, if not a little envious.